Mental elf

THIS WEEK: Elf on the shelf, Together Forever Tea, Currywurst crisps

THING: Elf on the shelf

I don’t mean to sound like a curmudgeon, but if there’s one thing that grinds my gears even more than gonks, it’s ELVES. Elves are capitalism’s minions - foolish, stripey-legged drones who work night and day for Santa. One day, the elves will rise up and form a union, but until they do, they’ll happily endure being forced into dem…