TEMUWEEN

Scary doesn't even begin to cover it.

Woooooooooooo! It’s Halloween! Time for depressed copywriters everywhere to use the word ‘spooktacular’ and wonder if they’ll ever finish that novel they started writing in 2017. (Spoiler: YOU WON’T!)

Whatever your feelings about this gourdforsaken event, you have to admit that Halloween decorations have recently come on in leaps and bounds. It used to just be Tesco pumpkins with the stickers left on them, or kids coming to the door trying to remember shit jokes from the internet. Now, though, your average suburban housing estate is like an outtake from Saw 7, with severed hands hanging off trees, skeletons having tea in the garden and entrails emanating from the blue bin.

Why? It’s Temu’s fault, of course! Temu is horrifying all year round, but its Halloween crap is especially grotesque, so I’ve rounded up some of this year’s biggest screamers for your delectation.

Are you brave enough to peek into the hell mouth? Stick £6 in the slot if you are!

Go, on, you’re ghoooul to love it 👀