THING: Pantera Rosa cakes
I’m on holiday at the moment, so today’s newsletter will be shorter than the bright red trunks of a hunky lifeguard.
But I thought I should review something for you - so here they are - weird Spanish Pink Panther cakes that taste like loofahs dipped in candle wax. Funnily enough, a week of drinking Estrella and staring vacantly at the sea has turned my brain into one of these - a waxy, pink squishy oblong with unidentified white goo in the middle.
These were a gift from a Spanish friend, and I was quite surprised because I thought the Pink Panther had been run over by a lorry in 1975. But although the cartoon has slipped into obscurity, the character still remains curiously celebrated in the world of cakes and biscuits. I mean, it’s weird really, when you think about it. You can’t get Pepe Le Pew buns or Mr Magoo teacakes, but everyone’s happy to keep Pink Panther wafers going until the end of time?
Anyway, Pantera Rosa sounds much sexier than the Pink Panther - a bit like his heavy metal sister who has a tattoo of Inspector Clouseau on her thigh. There are 3 uds in this packet, whatever an ud is, and I’ve eaten two already. I’ve actually learned to enjoy them, even though they’re quite noticeably lemony, like taking a quick swig of Cif. And after a while, the pink outer coating starts to feel less like someone has covered a Swiss Roll with a thick layer of Rimmel lipstick.
However, they’re not that good, so I wouldn’t bother travelling to Spain to try them. Perhaps instead you could locate other outdated, problematic cartoon character products closer to home? I’m sure if you look hard enough in Everything For A Pound you’ll find some Hong Kong Phooey crisps or Touché Turtle sanitary towels.
VERDICT: Hanna Barbaric
THINGS: Tat I have seen in the local shops
If you thought terrible crap was only confined to bargain bucket outlets or global online shite pedlars, think again. I went to a very bougie homewares shop the other day and found these choice items. But which ones shall I buy?
Wall-E and a sexy space person with balloons?
A woman doing yoga with a boy in her crotch?
Or a cat with a beard?
Let me know if I should upgrade my Easyjet baggage allowance, but hurry - I leave tomorrow!
VERDICT: Casa Amorrrrggghhhhhh
We all want the bearded cat
You've reminded me that in the 1970s every posh (ie detached) house was called Ponderosa. But Pantera Rosa would've been better. Hope you've had a lovely holiday! x